The Hidden Secret
to Having What You Really Want


"When the journey becomes a path
of mastery, ease, and exciting challenge
rather than struggle, suffering, and insurmountable obstacles,
that is ultimate success."

Jack Canfield & Pamela Bruner
Tapping Into Ultimate Success

In a recent article I talked about how often we convince ourselves to not want what we want.

But what if you do know what you want...yet somehow you just don't seem able to attain it, no matter what you do?

Or even more frustrating, what if you find yourself avoiding the very actions that you know would make the biggest difference?

Would you like to clearly see what's really going on? (and it's NOT that you're a bad person, lazy, or incompetent.)

Hint: You'll get a lot more out of this little exercise
if you take a moment to jot down your responses
before moving on to the next step.

Step 1: Clarify one thing you want

Think of one specific thing that you really want to attain, achieve, do, or have...yet you don't have it yet, like:

  • finishing writing your book
  • completing your new website
  • preparing for an upcoming event where you are the speaker
  • raising your rates
  • going after your big dream (what is it?)  


Step 2:  Identify your physical sensations and emotions

Deeply consider this thing you really want but haven't yet been able to attain. Let the feelings you have about it flood you. Take a moment or two and let these feelings build.

Write down any physical sensations you feel in your body (like choking throat, tears, heavy heart, knot in your stomach).

Then write down the specific emotions that are also present (like overwhelmed, paralyzed, angry, inadequate, fearful, and so on).

When you have written down your physical sensations and emotions, move on to Step 3.

Step 3: Clarify your fears and thoughts

Write down the fears and thoughts you have about this thing that you want...fears about the actions you think you'll need to take, the responses from people around you if you succeed or fail, etc.

Don't be shy or try to be all enlightened here. Be honest about your fears (especially the fears that seem irrational, embarrassing, or make you feel like a small, scared little child).

When you have written down your fears and thoughts, move on to Step 4.

Step 4: Rate the intensity

Review your list of physical sensations, emotions, and fears and choose the one that feels the most intense.

Then, rate the one you chose on a scale of 0-10 (10 being most intense and 0 being no intensity at all). For example, if overwhelmed feels like the most intense feeling, and it feels really high, you might say that:

overwhelmed = 9 or 10

This intensity, this stress response, this feeling (this collection of feelings, fears, and thoughts), this is what is keeping from you from that thing you want.

Most of the time, we want to do everything possible to distract ourselves from feeling this intensity. But it's still there, quietly running the show.

In addition, simply identifying the fears and thoughts and beliefs usually doesn't help you overcome them. Ignoring them doesn't work, either. (You've probably tried that one, too, right?)

Step 5: Clear the negative emotions, fears, and thoughts

The critical piece that does work (and here's the hidden secret to having what you really want) is by clearing out those negative emotions, fears, and thoughts at the core, without needing to use willpower, force, or acting "as if."

My favorite method, by far, of quickly and easily clearing out the emotions and fears that keep us stuck is meridian tapping, or EFT, which stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques.

EFT is a simple yet extremely powerful set of techniques that disengages the stress response your body experiences when you think certain thoughts, feel certain emotions, or remember unpleasant memories.

And when you remove the stress response, you can regain access to your inner wisdom, make new choices, and take new actions... effortlessly, without unknowingly sabotaging yourself.